A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
Love needs to get glasses.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
It's weird not to be weird.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
