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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

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I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.

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Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.

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If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.