A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
It's weird not to be weird.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
