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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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If you got haters, you must be doing something right.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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Haters make you famous.

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Cool story bro, changed my life.

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Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard

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Negativity is poison for the soul.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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Everybody is a student for life.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.