A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
