A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
