A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
