A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
