A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
