You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Haters are just confused admirers.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
