You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Everybody is a student for life.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
