You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
