You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
