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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

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You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.

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Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.

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Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.

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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.