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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".

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A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.

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Always remember to smile.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'

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You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".

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A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.

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Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.

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You know you love her when people think you're crazy.