Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Love needs to get glasses.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
