Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Take it easy, give it hard.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
