I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Real eyes realize real lies.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
