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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.

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Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

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Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.

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The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!

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Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.

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When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.

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When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.