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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".

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A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....