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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.

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I eat problems, then shit out success.

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I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.

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The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.

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People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.