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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.

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A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.

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If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.

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Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?

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Negativity is poison for the soul.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.

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Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.