Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Fall in love with my mind.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
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