Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
It's weird not to be weird.
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