Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
The last thing I want to do is die.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
© 2014 EpicQuotes |