Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
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