Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
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