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I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.

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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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Make money, don't let it make you.

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.

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Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.

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It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.

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Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

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New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.

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You do not learn anything by doing everything right.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.