I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
