I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
Fall in love with my mind.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
