I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
True friends stab you in the front!
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
