I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
