I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
