I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
