He who laughs last thinks slowest.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
