He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Be positive for no reason.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
