He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Haters are just confused admirers.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Be positive for no reason.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
