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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.

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Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.

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Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.

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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.

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Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

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A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.