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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.

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Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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You don't have to understand to be understanding.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

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Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.

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Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

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History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.