Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
