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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.

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The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.

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Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.

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What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

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I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.

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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

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Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.

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Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.