Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
