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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.

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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.

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Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.

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Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.