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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.

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I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.

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So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"

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Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.