I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Love needs to get glasses.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
