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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

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Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.

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Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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You inspire me to be a better pervert.

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If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.

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I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.

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If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.

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Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.