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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.

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What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'

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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?

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Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.

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In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

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Shit happens bro. Now get over it.

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The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.