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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.

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You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.

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If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.

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How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.

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It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.

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I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.

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Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.