You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.