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You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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Always remember to smile.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.

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War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

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You're only as good as your last game.

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You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

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Perception is everything.