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You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

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Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

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.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I

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If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.

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Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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Nice shoes! Wanna screw?

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I eat problems, then shit out success.

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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.

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When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

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Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.