You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
