If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
