If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
