Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
