Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Trust in God but lock your car.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
