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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

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Everybody spread positivity.

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So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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You can't define love, but love can define you.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

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The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.

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Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.