Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
