Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
The last thing I want to do is die.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
True friends stab you in the front!
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
