Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
You live and you learn.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
The last thing I want to do is die.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
