Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
