Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
Perception is everything.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
Love needs to get glasses.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
