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Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard

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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.

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Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.

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You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.