Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
Everybody is a student for life.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
