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Love needs to get glasses.

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.

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Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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It's weird not to be weird.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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Shit happens bro. Now get over it.

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Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.