Love needs to get glasses.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
