Dreams lift when reality falls.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
You're only as good as your last game.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
