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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.

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When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.

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After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.

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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.

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Fall in love with my mind.

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My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.