I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
