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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.

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I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

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Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.