I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Everybody spread positivity.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
