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Everybody spread positivity.

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Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.

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Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.

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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.