Everybody spread positivity.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
