Always remember to smile.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
