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It's weird not to be weird.

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Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.

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A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?

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I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.