It's weird not to be weird.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
