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It's weird not to be weird.

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

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I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.

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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

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I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.

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I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.

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Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.

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The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.