It's weird not to be weird.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
