You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Immaturity keeps me young.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
