You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
