You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
