You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
