I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Haters make you famous.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Winners do what other people won't.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
The last thing I want to do is die.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
