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I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.

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This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".

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He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.

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You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O

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If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.

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What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.