The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
