You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Perception is everything.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
You live and you learn.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
