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You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.

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The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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True friends stab you in the front!

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.

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Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.