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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.

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Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.

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Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?