I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
