I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
