I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
