I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
