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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!

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Make money, don't let it make you.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.

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I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

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To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.

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Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'