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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.

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I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.