I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Wherever you go, there you are.
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
