Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
The last thing I want to do is die.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
