It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
