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It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.

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I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.

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Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.