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It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.

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People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

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Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?

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A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.