Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
