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Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.

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Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

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Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.

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The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.

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Make money, don't let it make you.

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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Nice shoes! Wanna screw?

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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I eat problems, then shit out success.

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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...