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Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!

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You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.