Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
