Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Haters make you famous.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
