Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
