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.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I

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I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.

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It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.

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If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.

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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.

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Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

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Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.

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Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.