I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
Make money, don't let it make you.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
