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Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.

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Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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Aspire to inspire before you expire.

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.

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A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

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If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.

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Auto-correct can kiss my ask.