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Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.

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I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.

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Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.

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Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.