Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
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