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Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.

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If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.

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Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.

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I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.

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NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.

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Take it easy, give it hard.

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Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck

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Be positive for no reason.

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You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.