Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Wherever you go, there you are.
