Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
