Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
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