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Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.

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This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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I put the laughter in manslaughter.

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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

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Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.

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Be positive for no reason.

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I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.

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The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.