Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
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