Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
F that B.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
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