If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
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