If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
It's weird not to be weird.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Trust in God but lock your car.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.