If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
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