If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
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