If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
You're only as good as your last game.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Wherever you go, there you are.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
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