If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
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