If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.