If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
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