If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?