If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Dreams lift when reality falls.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
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