If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
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