If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
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