If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Perception is everything.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Haters are just confused admirers.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
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