If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
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