Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
