Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Always remember to smile.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
