Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Real eyes realize real lies.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Perception is everything.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
