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The last thing I want to do is die.

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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

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Maturity is knowing when to be immature.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Good things don't always have to come to an end.

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Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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Negativity is poison for the soul.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Trust in God but lock your car.

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It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.

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You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.