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The last thing I want to do is die.

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Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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Dreams lift when reality falls.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.

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Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

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Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

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Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.

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You're only as good as your last game.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.