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The last thing I want to do is die.

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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.

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Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

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Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?