I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
