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I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.

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If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

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It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.