If you can't beat them, taze them.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
