You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Perception is everything.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
It's weird not to be weird.
