You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
