You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
