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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.

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Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?

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Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.

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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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You can't define love, but love can define you.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.