Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Haters are just confused admirers.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
